Stories From The Tolbert Home

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Pro-Life. A Glimpse Into My Teen Mom Life

Something I do not speak of too often is my journey to motherhood. You see, most that are close with me know the story, and have seen the growth, and healing.  I was 16 years old the day I became a mother.

Without going into the history of it all, I cannot help but be taken back to the emotions I felt the months leading up to my sweet babies arrival. It hurts for me to even think of the raw anxiety and fear that absolutely took hold of me. I talk often with my daughter about our past and how soon she came about. I always want her to understand. To be very open, I want to scream every time I see Planned Parenthood's name in the news. It makes me sick to my stomach. It takes me back to a time I would rather not be taken back to.

You see I was in that situation that could have been very much avoided had I just walked into a clinic.   It would take pages and pages to tell you what was going on in my mind and the emotional turmoil I felt. The humiliation I felt as I began to get nauseous at school and had to run the mile in PE holding my chest that was already beginning to hurt. I wanted to die. Rumors began rather quickly. Friends that promised to stay quiet began talking. The year could not end fast enough. All I knew was that this was a roller coaster that I was not willing to get off of.

We moved to a town near by, thankfully our home was up for sale long before we even knew my situation and by the grace of God I was able to leave the area I knew too many people. I felt a little more hidden in our new town. I knew I needed God or I would not survive this. Thankfully I also had my best friend. He was going through the same things.

I completely understand the emotion I hear when young girls talk of the heart break they feel when they become pregnant and it was not planned. I can relate when they know what it will be like to miss school events because a baby will take over their life. I know what it is to finish school with a toddler running around my home and choose to go to Walmart and grab more diapers, watch episodes of Dora and eat fruit snacks on the night my friends are at their prom.
I cannot relate to the women who's stories end in a baby who would forever be deformed, or who've been raped. All I know is that "But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good..." Gen 50:20

I will not argue with anyone who feels they need to set my thinking straight. I can one hundred percent say that it is not easy to allow a child to be born in horrible circumstances. I have been a very blessed person and can spend much time speaking of my path to God and the grace he showed my future husband and I during that time. He was the unmovable rock. In submission to the God given authorities in my life and to our parents and God we were able to begin to raise up our baby and see something made of our life. If I would have chosen to dismiss that little life and sweep it all under the rug I would still be haunted to this day. I know that for a fact as I have friends that I love dearly that chose the route of abortion. I love them. I pray for them and I know God can forgive and heal their heart.

I am one of many many young mothers who chose to give life to their child by either raising the baby themselves or by allowing someone else to be blessed and raising that precious life.

The day Dana was born I gasped so loud and said "she is so beautiful." I remember her little cone head and her bruised up face; yet tears could not stop running down my face as I stared into this little life. I looked into her eyes and all those months of worry, anxiety, humiliation, and fear passed in that moment. It was a gift to me. No message preached at church would ever be stronger than the voice of God in that moment calling me to raise her up to love him. It forever changed me. It made me re-evaluate how I wanted to live. It challenged me to seek new friends and to rid myself of any negativity that would suggest I do anything other than change my life.

This is not meant to hurt anyone. If you have made that decision and want to know of God's grace and forgiveness, it is there. If you are a young teen undecided of the path you should take, I am here.




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